


The Interfering Nun

by TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers



Category: Doctor Who, Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:58:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers/pseuds/TheDoctorAndRiversArmyOfPeppers
Summary: "There you are!" the Doctor yawned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doing dressed like that?""Oh, not much," River sat by him on his side of the bed. "Don't you remember?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Happy 53rd anniversary to Doctor Who!!!
> 
> I had River dressed as a nun in this story because of Big Finish's Doom Coalition 3 audio, but I haven't got it yet so I don't know what happens. :(
> 
> I got the pseudonym 'the Interfering Nun' from the novelization of Shada, the bit where the Doctor and Romana are listing off Time Lord renegades (chapter 15, I think).

River Song ran through the medieval town, trying to outrun her pursuers. It was a dark night and the air was decidedly chilly. She was holding up the skirt of her nun's habit, so as not to trip up on it. Unfortunately, this exposed her shins to the freezing breeze, and running wasn't doing much to warm her up.

Her husband's fourth self and his companion, Romanadvoratrelundar, were ahead of her as they ran to escape arrest.

It had been pure coincidence that they had all turned up at the same time to steal the same artifact. And it was just bad luck that they had ruined each others plans of recovering it. River was particularly annoyed because it had taken her a whole week of infiltrating the convent to get that close to the artifact, and she had hated every second of it.

The towns' guards were gaining on them, but River saw the TARDIS come into view and started running faster.

River clicked her fingers to open the doors and the Doctor was taken back by them swinging open of their own accord. But he ran through them anyway and was followed shortly by Romana and then River, who shut the outer doors behind her.

The guards skidded to a halt and looked at each other with confused expressions on their faces. One of them tried knocking on the police box door, but there was no answer.

Then the whole box disappeared.

 

 

  
River looked at her new surroundings. She had been in this control room before, when she went looking for all the old control rooms the TARDIS had archived. But she hadn't really been in it when it was the main control room, so she took a moment to admire it.

It was a beautiful design. This desktop had always been one of her favorites. She liked the white colour scheme and the large roundels in the walls. She still preferred the copper and grey control rooms, but she did love this one.

"Now, aren't you going to say it? If so, would you kindly hurry up and get it over with, please," the Fourth Doctor asked, impatient.

"But I know she's bigger on the inside. I was brought up with the concept," River replied.

The Doctor deflated. He liked it when people said the thing. If he didn't like this strange woman, he rather believed she'd be getting on his nerves by now.

"You're a Time Lady?" Romana wondered.

"Sort of. I'm the Interfering Nun," River gave the pseudonym she'd often used when disguised in that way.

The Doctor grabbed her hand to shake it, clasping it firmly in both of his.

"Interfering? Well, you certainly are that! It's a pleasure to meet you," the Doctor released her hand.

"Yes I am, aren't I? And it's a pleasure to meet you, too."

The Doctor didn't know what to make of the Interfering Nun, she certainly didn't strike him as nun material. She was wild and still managed to look sexy, even in the habit. Then he wondered why he'd noticed that, when it wasn't something he'd thought about for such a long time. There just seemed to be something about her. He wasn't sure what it was, just something that seemed to draw his eyes to her like a moth to a flame. He decided it would be best to keep her at arms length.

And he wasn't sure he could trust her. She must be there for some reason, and it wasn't likely to be a good one. Chances were he would have to stop her from doing a stupid thing, like taking over the world or whatever she was planning.

But she was _magnificent._ The way she had got them all out of the convent with nothing more than his scarf, a packet of jelly babies and a candelabra was astounding. And it convinced the Doctor of one thing - that woman was completely insane.

River had caught him staring and smiled. He quickly averted his eyes and put those thoughts out of his head.

"Anyway, we have to get the gauntlet. We won't be able to get in the same way again..." he started, still deep in thought.

"Since we know where it is, why don't we just take the TARDIS?" River suggested.

"My old girl's not very good at short hops," the Doctor replied, patting the console affectionately.

"The TARDIS is brilliant at short hops, it's _you._ You don't know what buttons to press."

Romana laughed at that and the Doctor glared at her to silence her. Romana had been telling him for a couple of years now that he couldn't fly his own TARDIS, he didn't need two of her.

River went over to the console and pressed buttons and pulled leavers, flying the TARDIS back to the convent. The Doctor wasn't best pleased about that. He stood behind her agitatedly, and tried to operate the controls before she could. River just smirked, finding it all so amusing.

"Stop that!" the Doctor complained. "Who said you could touch _those!?"_

"Do you want to get the Gauntlet of Rassilon back?" River turned to glare at him with an amused sparkle in her eyes.

"Of course," he muttered.

"Stop interfering, then," she said with a sweet smile before turning back to the console.

"Hypocrite," the Doctor declared melodramatically.

River grinned as she continued flying the ship. The Doctor couldn't help a twinge of jealousy as his TARDIS practically purred under River's touch. He played with his yellow yo-yo in a half-hearted attempt to not look as if he was sulking.

"Shouldn't we have a plan worked out before we go barging in?" Romana asked River.

"No need," River replied, landing the TARDIS without a sound. "Besides, you should know by now that the Doctor hardly ever goes in with a plan."

 

 

  
Thankfully, the misericord of the convent was uninhabited when the TARDIS landed there. River stepped out of the ship first, followed by the Doctor and Romana.

"Are you sure no-one will find us?" Romana asked.

"I very much doubt they will. It's after Compline, they'll all be in bed," River replied.

"Compline?"

"Last service of the day," the Doctor explained.

River used her sonic screwdriver to open the casing containing the gauntlet. She removed the dangerous artifact and then resealed the casing just to be tidy.

The Doctor pulled the gauntlet from River's grip before she could even get a proper look at it, so she glared at him.

"Well it isn't safe, you know, to let a thing like that fall into the wrong hands," he told her.

"You think I'm the wrong hands?" she asked, hands on hips and eyebrow raised.

"I don't know what you are. That's my problem. You see, you must have a reason for wanting the gauntlet yourself. I don't know what that reason is. I've got to be sure."

"Should I not have the same assurances about you?" River countered. "I want to return this..."

Before River could finish her sentence, the Abbess and her Prioress burst into the room angrily.

"Caught you!" the Abbess shouted. "I knew you would be back! That religious artifact has been temporarily entrusted to the convent by a traveling monk in good faith. It must be returned immediately."

She and the Prioress moved towards the Doctor, River and Romana slowly. The Abbess had her hands stretched out, expecting the gauntlet to be handed back without a fuss.

"Pass it to me, sister," the Abbess continued, looking to River for help. "Redeem yourself in the eyes of the Lord."

"I don't care what _your_ Lord thinks about me. I've got my own to worry about. Goodnight!" River winked.

The nuns were appalled. Their shocked faces were quickly hidden by masks of contempt as they advanced on the trio of time travellers. They were going to try and take the gauntlet back themselves.

River jumped in between the Doctor and the nuns to prevent them taking it. Then, before he got a chance to offer a jelly baby to anyone, Romana dragged him back through the still open doors of the TARDIS, followed by River. The nuns were cross and tried to get in, so River and Romana had to put their weights against the doors to close them properly. Once they clicked shut, the Doctor sent the three of them off into the Time Vortex.

The Abbess watched as the blue box in the corner of the room vanished with wheezing and groaning noises.

"The work of the Devil," she explained to her confused Prioress. "This must not happen again."

 

 

  
"That was a close one," the Doctor said, mostly to himself.

He stood casually by the TARDIS console, fiddling absentmindedly with the gauntlet.

"What are we going to do with the gauntlet now that we have it?" Romana asked as she and River moved towards him from their places by the doors.

"I'm going to keep it in the TARDIS until it can be returned to Rassilon's tomb."

"Doctor, we can't just keep it!" she insisted.

"I can get it back to Gallifrey for you," River offered.

"How can you get it back to Gallifrey without a TARDIS?" the Doctor asked.

"Vortex manipulator," River showed the Doctor the device on her wrist.

"It'll never get through the transduction barriers," Romana said with a snooty expression.

"I have a way. And besides, it's better than the other option," River told her, showing her annoyance only with a raised eyebrow.

"How?" the Doctor inquired.

"If the Time Lord's discover that you have the Gauntlet of Rassilon and they call you back, which they will, what happens to Romana? She only joined you to help find the Key to Time, that's all over now."

"How do you know about the Key to Time?" the Doctor asked suspiciously.

"Spoilers," River winked.

"It's a very dangerous thing, the Gauntlet of Rassilon. As I said before, I need to know I can trust you. Back in the convent, you said you had your own lord to worry about. Could you have meant a _Time_ Lord? It's very likely, considering your species. And your name is similar to the Meddling Monk's. How do I know you're not in league with him? I was with him when he was hiding from the townsfolk, just before they chased him away. He told me he had a way to get this thing back. How do I know you're not it, hmm?"

"I did mean a Time Lord, that's true. But I did _not_ mean the _Monk!"_ River insisted angrily. "I know what he did - what he _will_ do - and after that, I would never help him in _anything!"_

"How do I know that? How do I know you're going to give the gauntlet back to the Time Lords as you say you will?"

"Oh, you don't. Only I know that. But I think you're a rather good judge of character, you can tell what sort of person I am. I think you sense that you can trust me, as I trust you."

The Doctor looked River in the eye, studying her for a moment. Then his lips curved into a big smile as he made his decision.

"There you are," he said, throwing the gauntlet to her.

River thanked him and stowed it away somewhere beneath her habit.

"You make sure you take that straight there, and no stopping to overthrow the odd monarch on the way, or I will be quite cross," he continued. "Understand?"

"Cross my hearts," River beamed, fiddling with the controls of her vortex manipulator. "Goodbye, Romana."

"Goodbye," Romana smiled in reply, shaking the hand River held out to her.

"Goodbye, sweetie," River blew the Doctor a kiss.

She disappeared from the TARDIS, who's hum changed in pitch and the control room suddenly seemed colder. It was as though the ship herself were mourning River's departure.

The Doctor didn't understand it. He just hoped he'd see the Interfering Nun again someday.

Little did he know he would.

And little did he know the trouble she would get him into...

 

 

  
Irving Braxiatel had been woken in the night. He was not accustomed to having his sleep disturbed, so was understandably irritable.

He got out of bed, pulled his cloak on over his nightgown and rummaged in the draw of his bedside table, looking for his staser. Once he'd found it, he checked it was charged and left his room.

Other members of his large family had ventured out onto the landing, but quickly went back into their rooms again when they saw Brax with his staser. He sighed, resigned to investigating the noise alone.

The noise that had awoken Brax and his family had come from downstairs, so he descended the grand staircase to the ground floor of his ancestral house. He headed for the drawing room first and opened the door slowly, staser raised and ready for the kill.

The room was empty of people. Braxiatel sighed in relief, lowering the staser. Then he noticed something on the table. He approached it hesitantly, worried it could be dangerous or bait for a waiting ambush.

Once he reached the object he recognised it as the missing Gauntlet of Rassilon. He couldn't believe his eyes.

There was a note addressed to him beneath the gauntlet. Brax picked it up to read it, but before he could get past the words _'Brax, please return',_ there was a banging noise coming from the front door. He could hear someone outside calling for the doorkeep.

"What do you want?!" he heard Doorkeep answer irritably through the front door hatch, before remembering his manners. "... My Lord?"

"I need to speak to Lord Braxiatel," came the nervous reply. "It is most urgent!"

Brax recognised the voice. It belonged to one of his inferiors at the Academy. He couldn't remember the chap's name, but then, the man did annoy him so.

"I'm here," Brax said, leaving the drawing room and closing it's door with a sigh.

Doorkeep went back to bed leaving Brax to usher the man towards the main living room. He gestured for the tutor to take a seat. The man was more nervous than he usually was, so Brax poured them a drink each and sat down next to him.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"One of the students has vanished. She's not in her bed," the troubled tutor explained as Brax passed him his brandy.

Irving Braxiatel didn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to guess which student his colleague was referring to.

"Student Romanadvoratrelundar," he groaned, not needing to see the tutors answering nod. "That's all I needed tonight."

 

 

  
River appeared in the hallway back home on Darillium. She quickly looked up at the face of the old grandfather clock to make sure she hadn't been gone too long. Once satisfied it'd only been a few minuets since she left, she headed back up to the bedroom.

The Twelfth Doctor was still sleeping peacefully on his side of the bed. She smiled at the sight of him, nightshirt unbuttoned and hair at all angles. It all seemed delightfully domestic.

River shut the bedroom door as quietly as she could and stepped lightly into the room. When she reached the end of the bed, her foot found a squeaky floorboard and the noise woke the Doctor. She cursed silently.

The Doctor groaned sleepily after breathing in a big lungful of air through his nose. He stretched, lifting his arm up to cover his eyes as he turned onto his back. He dropped his arm and, with his eyes still closed, used it to search the other side of the bed for River. His face scrunched up in annoyance when he didn't find her and River couldn't help chuckling. Finally, he opened his eyes and smiled when he saw River standing there. She smiled back guiltily. She hated waking him accidentally.

"There you are!" he yawned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doing dressed like that?"

"Oh, not much," she sat by him on his side of the bed. "Don't you remember?"

The Doctor looked at her carefully, confusion evident. He was sure her face in that costume was familiar but he couldn't quite place it.

Suddenly, he realised what should have been blatantly obvious from the beginning. River Song was the Interfering Nun! How could he not have noticed that before? He decided it must be the habit covering her hair, it did so change her appearance. His face transformed into a picture of pure delight and he moved to sit up.

"Oh, I remember. I remember very, _very_ well," he beamed through his eyebrows. "And I think you're _wonderful!_ And, if you wait for me here while I go and brush my teeth, I'll show you just how wonderful I think you are. Keep the habit on 'til I get back, though."

River smiled fondly as she watched him go into the en-suite, humming cheerfully to himself and holding his nightshirt closed.

She didn't half love that man.

And that man didn't half love _her._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :)


End file.
